redirect your feet,
you’re too accustomed to walking down the straight lines of society.
& if your insides are burning with a desire to wander,
don’t extinguish them,
let the flame grow.
let it burn all your doubts & insecurities.
allow your newfound being to flourish into beautiful bouquets of hopes & dreams.
run with your adventurous feet & your incessant bravery & your hopeful expectations
along the flowery field of now-realities.
just because the majority of people aren’t doing so doesn’t mean you shouldn’t either.
they’re thought bubbles that form like clouds,
as quickly as they form they disappear with an exhale.
the color of the ceiling, the paintings on the wall,
his newly tanned skin & her coral-colored shirt;
if I don’t observe,
don’t capture even the most insignificant details of the place where every moment is becoming a memory,
I’ll have no memory to look back on in 10 years.
i won’t remember the sound of their voices, what they were wearing, the restaurant’s smell, our silly conversations,
that day will be a fog,
something out of a wonderful dream I can’t recall,
can only remember how it made me feel.
there’s something very romantic about not physically touching someone.
it isn’t about how they kiss you,
how they hold your hand or how often they embrace you.
but more about the way they look at you,
how their eyes gleam with delight,
desire mixed with enthrallment illuminating them when they meet yours.
how freely they behave, no self-consciousness in the air.
how they smile at you, even when you’ve offered no joke, nothing for them to grin at.
it’s just your presence that does that.
it touches them in ways hands alone will never be able to.
subtleties are, in my opinion, very romantic,
& very fun to decipher.
your lips are moving & as they’re moving & breaking into the most endearing of smiles,
I’ve thought of hugging you, of saying those terribly frightening three words.
but now your lips are closed, eyes darting between mine, awaiting my response.
& what do I say?
everything but what I wanted to.
thoughts come & go,
what ifs & perhaps.
I spend so much time pacing back & forth inside my head that by the time I come back to reality,
the opportunity to do what I was contemplating on doing has long since passed.
I once read this quote & it’s resonated with me since.
“when it feels scary to jump, that’s exactly when you jump.
otherwise you end up staying the same place your whole life.
and that I can’t do.”
it’s like being in a busy mall,
shoulders constantly bumping into each other, collective chatter, various perfumes swirling around you,
& there’s this song with a catchy tune playing through the speakers.
you’re straining to hear it, but you can’t tune out all the noise.
can’t focus on the music, can’t find the lyrics you’re desperately trying to decipher.
& it’s driving you insane.
I think that’s what it’s like for people when they break up with someone they could’ve sworn was their ‘soulmate.’
the answer should be right there in front of your eyes, clear as day.
but you can’t seem to grasp what went wrong,
or perhaps you can.
but maybe there’s far too much noise, too many broken pieces of your fragile heart lying around for you to really focus.
it drives you insane, doesn’t it?
it’s a weird feeling to suddenly attain an acute awareness of the world.
to know that at the very moment you’re in bed, under the comfiest duvet atop a sturdy mattress,
someone is sleeping on the cold concrete floor, or perhaps they’re still roaming the streets searching for a place they won’t be kicked out of.
on the other side of the world, there’s a child hiding under his bed while his parents fight.
there’s a woman who just lost her baby.
or maybe there’s a person who just broke up with someone they could’ve sworn was the one they were going to spend the rest of their life with.
there’s a whole other world happening in the time you’re fast asleep,
or perhaps in the time that you’re awake, complaining about the weather or how your computer is acting up again.
I can’t help but feel foolish for complaining about such trivial things,
& I certainly can’t help but feel saddened by the fact that not many people are aware of how lucky they are.
how many things they have that someone on the other side of the world doesn’t.
some of us have it so good & we don’t even know it.
life is very strange, isn’t it?
why don’t we ask for help when we need it?
why are we so prideful?
why do we wipe our faces so hastily at the first sign of tears?
what’s to be embarrassed about?
why don’t we mean what we say & why do we keep quiet when all we want is to speak the truth?
why is the world we live in one of feigned happiness, of hidden truths & buried worries?
wouldn’t it be easier to let everything ugly see the light of day?
speak openly of sadness & misery?
what’s life if you take out all the bad parts & leave the good stuff?
doesn’t the world always say you can’t have the good without the bad?
why are we all hypocrites?
Let your lungs expand with a sharp intake of breath.
Now they’re deflating with our singing, screeching, actually.
Grab my hands.
Right foot first, left now.
Let yourself fall, old Hollywood-film style.
I’ll catch you,
I always will.
The music’s getting faster, pick up the pace.
We’re spinning, don’t think of the eyes on you, they’re not.
They’re on our feet.
& we’re dancing, dancing, falling,
Let yourself fall, fall for me, for the ground headfirst.
Feel your heart hammering against your chest now, in tune with the floor’s vibrations, the song’s bass.
Shall we dance again?
I lose myself a lot sometimes.
I hope you’re okay with having to reel me back in from time to time,
letting me wander until I find my own way back to reality, back to the root of my being.
I’ve got a real loose grip on the word home;
I hope you don’t grow tired of having to define it for me, time & time again.
unlike the birds who sing when the sun peaks above the ground,
we don’t always feel like welcoming the day.
don’t have the will to bask in the sunlight,
feel the wind graze our bodies,
relish the views & the experiences & the people.
sometimes we’d rather hide between the leaves,
let the rest of the world sing.